Chapter One

>-----And with this kis- Brahhhhh! Brahhhh!! Brahhhh!!!!!"That's IT!!" I started, the shouted thought reverberating in the empty corridors of my mind, causing such a roar in my half-drunken-with-sleep soul that I forgot for a moment entirely what my mind was yelling at. Then I resumed, "Today is the day that i will rid myself of that blasted alarm clock!" I got up, shut off the blaring siren, put on my pants, and left the noise demon on its ledge above my pillow. I didn't really want to dispose of it, I liked it and it like me. We have an understanding; it would ensure that I hadn't died in the night and I wouldn't obliterate it once I had once again been shattered to consciousness.
>-----I left my annoying friend in my room as I groggily ambled my beaten path to the loo room. I saw myself in the mirror. "I ought to shave my head completely." Reality was slowly sifting back into my mind like rays of light in a shady grove, crowding it to make it slight less cavernous. I picked at a piece of short, curly brown hair that for all the world looked like the well-used and spilled upon rug on the floor of some hippie's van. The likeness reinforced by the shimmering oil and not-so-shimmering grime build-up that results in a two-day absence of bathing. "Next on the list."
>-----I took off my pants and underwear and stepped (crouched) into my human (bug)-sized shower. I had already turned the knob before I realized my deadly mistake, I had given the plumbing no chance to heat up after another below-freezing night. I stood in frigid anguish as I thought of recent temperatures. "Ahhh, a reason for me to keep this bush on my head." It's not that I hate cold weather, it keeps creatures that I don't particularly like in their dens- but why does it have to be so-HOT. I forgot to balance the knobs and the plumbing had heated up. My thoughts, derailed, resumed. "Why can't there be a season in which unfriendly critters stay away so that I can enjoy a nice stroll through the woods without fear of ambush?" Critters are actually smarter than they let on. Since I know this they know I know this, someday they are going to ambush me.
>-----I knew what the sensation was before I felt it. I had been so caught up in ambush that I had all but forgotten.... that I HAD forgotten to shut my eyes while shampooing my hippie carpet. Now suds had found my weakness and were attacking with everything they had. I imagined my epic battle with them being told for many generations, "Take that Villain!!" as i held my eyes open to the streaming water. That's another thing, why can't they make a decent soap that doesn't try to murder you? "Can't have your cake and eat it too," I muttered. Peculiar. How had that singular statement come into existence? Did people just try things and then format the results of their findings in catchy saying? If so, how had this particular cake expert failed? How did he make a cake and then fail to- "Shut it." My mind,"Too many thoughts, I don't want any more for awhile." My mind is a jerk and won't leave me be unless I grant its every whim, so I stopped thinking. I tried to survive the rest of my cleaning without the companionship of my mind. People would argue that I shouldn't let my mind boss me around, but I disagree. It is in such tenuous bonds as these that the best method to obtain maximum efficiency is to let it be and rest so that once needed, it comes "amicably" without being pre-strained.
>-----The cleaning complete, I found new clothes to done and ended up in front of the mirror again. I tasted the previous day in my mouth. The food I had eaten had settled quite comfortably in my buds and now defiled my favorite sense. I reached for my toothbrush, a very close friend, and thinking on the events of the day before, I remembered an event that filled my heart with much gladness. "Today my friend," to the toothbrush, "is a glorious day indeed. Today i am privileged with the opening of a new tube of toothpaste!" My friend smiled back in unmoving reflection of my joy.